Fasting with your heart

As the season of Lent begins, many of us around the world will also be entering a time of fasting for the next 40+ days until Easter. We will give up our favorite foods, decide not to engage in certain behaviors, make new commitments to pray and study. I know because I do this too! Every Lent I give up certain things in my diet, using this period as a time of physical cleansing. There's something about fasting during alongside millions across the globe that gives me the spiritual strength to sustain my commitments.

But like anything we do for God, we must be careful not to let the act and ritual supersede the opportunity for transformation.  Fasting is not about gratifying yourself with how holy you are but rather an opportunity to position yourself to unleash the power of the Spirit and walk in love.

What do I mean by this?

1) Fasting enables you to draw nearer to God. To realize the power He has gifted you to overcome any vice that you may have allowed to take control. After Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights in the wilderness, He was greatly tempted. Yet, he was able to overcome these temptations because He knew His own power. He knew who He was and who knew who God was. Likewise, when we're in the wilderness, the opportunity is available for us to realize our own power to make decisions about the direction of our lives and what we will let master us. We can remember that we are co-creating with God.

2) Fasting is an opportunity to connect more deeply with others in service.  When we  strip away all the outer things that we don't need and get back to the core of who we are, which is love, we realize how deeply connected we are with others. In Isaiah 58:6-11, the Lord asks, "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." When we fast and connect more closely to God and ourselves we are able to see each other with more compassion.

3) Ultimately, fasting is an opportunity to go within and to really open your heart. Whatever you are giving up, use that as a triggering mechanism to remind you to keep an open heart, to forgive, to receive love. It's not about who sees what you are doing or showing God your ability to sacrifice. Ask yourself, what is the nature of my heart in this season?  For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

It's not my intention to try to convince anyone to fast or participate in Lent. I don't get caught up in such matters. But as we continue on our path, I just use this as an example to remind us to always be conscious of actions and for what purpose we are engaging in them. Our spiritual practices and rituals can be beautiful opportunities for us to go deeper in our relationship with God, ourselves and others. That is my prayer.

God's strength in our weakness

I woke up in a complete funk.

The very idea of getting up, showering, dressing, eating breakfast, opening my front door and getting to the train for work made me want to get back in the bed and hide under the covers.

It was one of those mornings when no good thought would enter my head.

Mind you, I'd woken up at 6 a.m. to have quiet time to meditate, journal, and exercise.  The morning is my space to nurture myself and have some intimacy with God as I begin the day.  But this morning, I simply could not do it.

So as I felt the tiredness in my body and the oppression of my spirit, I started beating myself up - why are you feeling this way?  What is wrong with you? 

I started then blaming God.  Why do you allow this God?  Why do you want to see me unhappy?  After everything I've been through!  I deserve...

It was a downward spiral.

I thought of all the things I could do to change my energy, to even just get myself off the couch.

But I couldn't.

What I could do and what I did was to send a text to a few friends along the lines of help!, pray! and encourage!

One friend sent me a screenshot of a quote that starts with: "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets."

 

I jumped up.  Life is too short, and I'd just spent 2.5 hours fighting with God and myself...yet, for all that negative energy I wallowed in, I still had to go out and face the day.  I still had to go to work.

And you know what happened?  When I moved, God moved too.

I reached the office late but in time to prepare for the meetings on my calendar.  Right above my computer, a prayer reads: 

Precious Creator of All There is: I know that in every moment, of every day, no matter what the circumstance or situation may appear to be, the fullness of all that God is - IS present in me and as me.  God is present all around me at all times.  God IS all there is.  God is All I am.  God IS right where I am.

I turned on my computer. In my inbox, it was as if the whole universe was responding to that request sent to my friends for encouragement.  Words of love and peace were sent to me all throughout the day.  Words like:

• God is an ever-present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1)
• He is close to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18)
• He will sustain you in times of trouble (Psalm 55:22)

I received all of it.  It was like God hit the restart button.

Three times that day I also received the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: His grace is sufficient . . . His power is made perfect in weakness . . . When I am weak, I am strong. 

I didn't understand it. I was like what does my grace is sufficient mean, how can His power be made perfect in my weakness, how can I be weak and then strong?

I looked at the amplified version:  But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness.  Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!  So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

As I meditated on this, I realized that whatever we think we are going through, God's grace is the vehicle for guiding us through it.  It is never dependent on what we do, and it is always enough.  And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Furthermore, we don't have to be so resistant to our challenges -- those difficult times, the fighting with God and ourselves, or blaming others and situations for how we feel -- because we can be secure that when our weaknesses are revealed so is God's strength.  When difficulty is present, so is His power.  And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  When I am weak, then I am strong because in my weakness, God shows up to empower me.

That morning, it was the strength to reach out to loved ones, to get up off the couch, to make it out the front door.  Sometimes it’s just the strength to see something differently, to drop just even one thought that’s hurting you, to believe in even just the possibility that God is more powerful than whatever-it-is.  

One thing we can be certain of is that no matter what, God is with us.  Whatever we need, He has it.  He has plans for us.  He has written the very pages of our lives.  He knows us in intimate detail.  Even the hairs on our heads have been numbered.  You are His great masterpiece - everything and all that you are. He loves you, completely and fully.  Amen!

Finding God in the wilderness

A friend mentioned to me, almost offhandedly, something about entering his wilderness years.  At the time, I didn't really understand what he was talking about.  But hours after that, the word wilderness kept penetrating my spirit.  As I started to meditate more on what it means to be in the wilderness...the searching, the testing, the fear, the courage, the immense faith required, the understanding of one's smallness as well as one's connection to something greater...I realized how powerful and rich this experience can be if we open ourselves to it.

The wilderness period is not uncommon.  We find this stage in our sacred and cultural texts as well as in our everyday lives.  At first, the wilderness can be very frightening.  How did I get here?  What am I supposed to do?  Can I survive?  Where is everyone?  Where is God? 

But, what if, we could get past the fear and see this as the opportunity to deepen our understanding of who God is, and thus, who We are.  What if we used the wilderness as an opportunity to learn what it means to surrender control and trust God? 

I flash-backed to an experience when I was literally in the wilderness.  My best friend and I, both of us searching and trying to understand what God was doing in our lives, decided to take a day off and go to this open land in the woods that a small church owned and maintained specifically for others to find quiet time with God.  My friend and I fasted for the day, in expectancy of what we might learn.  In silence, we walked the grounds of this place.  I found myself drawn to a small lake, and as I departed from my friend to go there, he passed me his bible.  I sat by the lake, waiting for something.  This was the year that I first began questioning what it is that my life is about.  The first time I started to feel that something wasn't quite right.  That I was still somehow in the dark.  That there was something more  I wasn't embodying.  I wanted to be free. 

It began to rain.  I opened my bible to Psalm 29, which reads: ". . . The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders . . . The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic.  The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars . . . The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning.  The voice of the Lord shakes the desert [the wilderness] . . . The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bare.  And in his temple all cry, 'Glory!' The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord is enthroned as King forever.  The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

God reminded me then and now of both His wondrous power and His love for me.  He let me know that He is ruler over all things; and that, no matter what I may experience, He will forever give me His strength and peace.

Paul writes "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  This one sentence lets us know that 1) God is working on our behalf, 2) whatever he is doing is for our good, 3) we are all called, and 4) we all have purpose.  

What if we really believed that?

Recently, I found myself thinking, I wonder what God is going to do about . . . Not in the usual, oh my God! What are you going to do?!?!?!?!?!  (while pulling my hair out :)).  But, almost laughing to myself, with wonderment and expectation.  Wow, God, I wonder. 

You see, when you change your perspective, you change your experience.   

We all know the story of Moses bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. They were to enter the Promised Land.  On their way to the promises, they experienced God performing wondrous signs and miracles. Yet, still they feared; still they lacked faith.  After years of enslavement, they did not believe they were worthy enough to ever be free.  They wanted to go back to the way things used to be.  That pain and suffering was what they were accustomed to.  They couldn’t fully believe in the future that was theirs, even when it was right in front of them for the taking. 

But the discomfort they experienced in the wilderness, this discomfort of transition, was a temporary passage on the grand journey of their lives.   

When an assembly of men went to explore the Promised Land, they reported that in fact it was the land God was sending to them.  But rather than seeing their destiny, the very promises of God, they saw only the challenges that needed to be overcome to get there.

Yet, the Word of God declares the we are overcomers.  By faith, we overcome anything that comes our way, knowing that anything obstacle, any block in our path has already been overcome by the One who has power over all.

Later, I will  talk more about how we begin to change our perception, to change our stories.  For now, I pray that we begin to believe in our very souls that God is our watchman.  Lord, we thank you that our help comes from you; that at all times and in all places, you provide a shade of protection around us and keep our foot from slipping on the path.

Letting go of control

For many of us, the need to control develops as a survival mechanism. At some point in our journey, we begin to believe that we, our beautiful, perfect selves, are not enough. This happens any numbers of ways. Like when we believe the love we gave so openly was rejected. Or the trust we bestowed turned into a trick. When we feel that we aren't seen or heard, even though we courageously exposed ourselves. Or when we experience pain at the hands of those we most desired to give us care. At those points, many of us decide that there is something wrong with us, something that we need to fix to be more worthy of love. We may decide that we cannot bear the thought of experiencing this pain again and we begin to close up and build the walls within to protect ourselves.

I was listening to a talk given by Tara Brach called Letting Go of Control that zones in on our universal addiction to control, sometimes even down to our spiritual practice (the constant search for answers and a secure sense of right or wrong). The talk shares a story about a woman who, as a child, was forced to get a haircut she did not desire. She loved her hair. She believed it beautiful and that it made her special. But her mother told her it was a nuisance. In that moment of losing her hair, she felt that what she wanted didn't matter. She then worked hard over the years through achievements and accomplishments to find that sense of mattering. But she also kept her passions locked in. She cut herself off from her own wants and needs. It was too dangerous to again feel like a nuisance.

I know this story. I have that story. As a child, my hair was a wild mass of uninhibited curls that went all over my head and down my back. But my mother hated my hair. She could never rein it in no matter how hard she tried. One evening, while our family sat watching a movie, my mother sliced through the silence with the command that I "do something" with my hair. At the time, I wasn't quite sure what to do. In my mind, it was "done.” But I felt the anxiety creeping into my body as I sensed the threat of her anger. I went to the bathroom to try to tighten the ponytail I had my hair in. Over and over she sent me to the bathroom to "fix" my hair, each time her rage and my sense of despair rising. Like so many nights, there was nothing to stop her rage from overflowing. She would not be pleased. As usual, I was at a loss to what was happening. I could never predict what might set her off. I felt responsible, because that's what she told me, but there never seemed to be anything I could do or not do to make me safe. That night, my mother made me get a chair and pair of scissors. She forced me into the chair, yanking my hair towards her and proceeded to cut several inches of my hair off until it rested just above my shoulders.

That was a moment among many that made me reach desperately for control, to find ways to make me feel safe, to make sense of the world around me. Maybe if I could keep everything operating smoothly, she would be upset less often. Maybe if I could just manage the world around her, I won't have to suffer. Maybe if I just reach achieve this and accomplish that, I can finally be free.

But the problem with this approach, this need to control, is that in the process we often cut ourselves off from the true experience of life. While I am trying to control my future by planning and overachieving, I am sacrificing opportunities to play and experiment. While I am protecting myself against any pain in relationships, I am blocking myself from the sweet vulnerability of love. While I am trying to be strong, I am missing the opportunity to receive the support of friends.

While trying to keep all the bad things out, I miss the opportunity to fully engage with the beauty of the world. I block myself from experiencing the wonder of life's journey and the expectant joy of promises fulfilled. And I am never at peace, because peace only comes from surrender.

I’ve learned that control is really an illusion, a never-ending search for something outside of me. We use the stories about what happened to us as our reasons.  And they are good reasons. We're doing what we feel we have to in order to be safe. But your real safety is in opening yourself to all of what each moment holds, trusting that God will be with you.  One of my favorite lines from the Course in Miracles states, in my defenselessness, my safety lies. We don't need to allow the past to control our future. Each moment, this moment, is a chance to start anew. The old has gone; the new is here! 

When we release those stories of our past into the past, we remember who we knew ourselves to be before we let the world tell us we were anything different. Inside, where God resides, is everything I will ever need. 

Rest from the busyness of life

I have to admit that it has been hard for me to keep up with writing here in the midst of the holiday season. At the end of December, I was caught up in the frenzy of tying up loose ends at work, preparing to travel to another part of the country, joining the crowds of last minute shoppers in the annual exchange of currency and finding time to reconnect with friends and family. But as I approached the beginning of a new year, one of the greatest gifts I gave to myself was time.

After a week spent in my hometown, I returned to my apartment; and, for another week, I rarely left my apartment. The few times I did leave were never further than a one-mile radius. I journaled for what seemed like hours, touching areas of my heart I had not yet given myself the space to be with. I prayed and meditated about my wounds and my dreams, wrapping myself in love. In my apartment, I sang loudly and off-tune and did yoga in my underwear. I cried. Sobbed even, until my whole body rocked.

For a week, I allowed myself to just truly be.

On New Year's Eve, I woke up and had the strongest sense of gratitude for everything and every person that has been in my life. As I was praising God in my living room, I was overcome with complete certainty that everything I desire, is already given. Everything I've been searching for, I already have. Every prayer I've ever prayed has been answered.

It was a sacred space.

I was reminded, again, that so often we're caught up in the busyness of life at the expense of our spirits. As Neale Donald Walsch writes, "[L]life has nothing to do with what you are doing, and everything to do with what you are being. Be careful not to get caught in the 'doingness' of your life. That is not what you are here for. You are a sacred soul, and you came here to the earth to Be something." When we focus on what needs to be done, what should be done, or what everyone else is doing/ needs to do, we fail to give ourselves the space to just breathe.

But when we allow ourselves to pause, to be, to connect with God, our divine source, we create a sanctuary. Even if for just a few minutes -- one moment -- we allow ourselves to enter His rest. In the rest of God, our souls are stilled; and it is in the stillness that God speaks.

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:11-13)

The real story of you - God's track record

So much of coming into your purpose is uncovering the stories that you have been telling yourself about who you are.  By stories, I mean those myths in your mind that make you feel that for some reason God is holding back all His promises -- specifically from you.

Months ago, I was encouraging a friend about following his dreams and taking hold of what he was created to do. After all my exhortation, he says well, what about you?

Instantly, I go into my diatribe about figuring out what to do with my life and how I don't have this and don't have that.

He says, "well what do you need to figure out?"

"Well, I mean I wish that I could just know what was going to happen," I said, already impatient with him questioning me.

"But, what do you mean? What is it that you want that you don't already have?"

For one moment, I paused and thought to myself, yes, what is it that I don't already have. For that moment I had clarity -- yes, I thought, yes, I have peace, love, joy, freedom, security, abundance!

But, in the next moment my faith was replaced with my stubborn persistence to hold on to my story. "But, I mean I wish I could just know for sure, like for real, that everything is going to be okay."

Fortunately, my friend was just as stubborn and persistent. "Don't you already know? You can be and have anything you desire. Frankly, I can't see it any other way. Look at your record. It's who you are."

So, let me remind you of God's track record.

What we say:

• Something bad will happen
• I will be hurt
• I'm not good enough
• It's my fault 
• I can't do it
• I don't deserve it
• It will not last  
• I'm not worthy
• I have no talents
• I am alone
• I am broken
• I am ashamed
• I can't ignore my past
• No one loves me

What God says:

In all things, He works for my good (Romans 8:28)
No weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17)
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
I am holy and blameless in his sight (Ephesians 1:4)
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)
I am blessed (Deuteronomy 28)
Goodness will follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23:6)
I am His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)
I have unique  gifts (Romans 12:6-8)
He will be with me always (Romans 8:38-39; Matthew 28:20 )
I am healed (Isaiah 53:5)
I will never be put to shame (Joel 2:27)
I am a new creature; old things are passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am complete love itself  (1 John 4: 7-18)

Dear Lord, I pray that we will let go of our false stories and take on Your truths. We set the record straight! We know that our true story is still in motion and walk in confidence that He who began a good work in us will carry it to completion! Amen.  

Surrendering your plans to God's plans

I know that this is the time when we're all making our plans for the upcoming year. We're creating our goals and setting intentions, prayerfully trusting God to bring new fruit into our lives. And there is nothing wrong with that. We know that in faith, we can approach God with freedom and confidence, trusting that when you believe, whatever you ask for in prayer will be yours.

But the key here is believing, trusting and having faith in God. Many are the plan's in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.  This is not to discourage you but rather to greatly encourage you that God has a plan for your life that can not be thwarted. The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. That means YOU.

And God has promised us great things! We may not always know all the details of what is going to happen, but God does. All the days of your life are written in His book. He has a plan for you. In your deepest heart of hearts you already know what your destiny is. Your life's purpose is to know in the depths of your soul that you are the great masterpiece of God. And you can trust that the work's of his hand will never be abandoned.

So let's use this life as an opportunity to enjoy all the promises of God. Promises like love, peace, joy, grace, and abundance. He has promised that nothing, no thing, can separate us from His love. No matter what you do, you are not more powerful than God.

You see, when you know who you are on the inside, it doesn't really matter what is happening on the outside. Circumstances and situations are always impermanent. Never put your hope in that which is temporary.  Learn to be content whatever the circumstances. As Paul writes, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." What is the secret he writes about? It is to put your hope and trust in the Lord, for in Him and through Him all things are possible.  You were created in His image, a living lamp into God's very nature.  He does not change, and so neither do you.

So go ahead and even make those "mistakes" (I prefer to call mistakes, lessons learned!). Give yourself permission to do the things you are afraid of. Sometimes we psych ourselves out trying to create rules and regulations but our heart is not in it. That's why you find yourself back in the same place, repeating the same cycle. Do not be like the Pharisees, saying one thing, yet constantly doing another. Let God penetrate your heart. This may mean that you have to fall before you can get back up. But it will be worth it in the end.

In 2013, I want to continue to follow those whispers of God, the seemingly random things that come into our minds, our Spirits....the oh that would be interesting if...or that might be fun...or I really used to like doing that when I was younger...or everyone always says that I'd be great at that...or I've always wanted to go there/do that/find this/speak to him/her...those things we usually ignore or are distracted away from. Because all the while that we're searching for purpose, meaning, trying to figure out what it is we really want...trust yourself, you already know. 

This year, I surrender to all that God would have for me. We're in this together! Be strong and courageous because the Lord our God is always and forever with us.